After living more than 50 years in the same house — the very place where I grew up — my mom is moving. Undeniably, it’s the right time, the proper stage of life. But this process has evoked lots of emotion for her, as well as for me, my brother, our respective spouses and other family members: grief, frustration, indecision, excitement, possibility and trepidation. To be sure, practical mechanics and logistics matter. Van expenses need to be compared, old papers need to be sorted, heirlooms need to be passed along. These aspects require vast amounts of time, energy and organization. The intangible feelings involved, however, are much more complex.
I’ve gathered a list of books that appear relevant to what’s percolating inside of me as my mom navigates this transition. I ponder what methods will keep me sane as her fears bubble up, and I consider how I want to leave the state of my possessions in the future for my own offspring.
“On Moving: A Writer’s Meditation on New Houses, Old Haunts, and Finding Home Again” by Louise A. DeSalvo. When the author sold the house she and her husband had raised their children in and moved to a gorgeous new home, she was stunned to experience many unexpected feelings. Suddenly the old, over-crowded house was paradise, and the new house was a stark building that lacked the comforts or familiarity of “home.” Faced with a sudden disillusionment, DeSalvo turned to some favorite writers. This is a book that I’d like to suggest to my mom.
“The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family From a Lifetime of Clutter” by Margareta Magnusson. This title screams my mom, since she is very proud of her Scandinavian heritage. The author, who is, like my mom, a woman between the ages of eighty and one hundred, maintains some definite ideas about decluttering. Why should your children have to make decisions that you didn’t want to make? Why should they be left with a horde of possessions? I’m all in favor of this approach that I’m trying to incorporate into my own lifestyle.
- “The Next Day: Transitions, Change, and Moving Forward” by Melinda Gates. This book accompanies readers as they experience transitions, offering suggestions on how to make the most of the time between an ending and a beginning, as well as how to step into the future when your ground is shifting. I’m guessing that this broad guidance can be applicable to the specific life change of moving.
“Ganbatte! The Japanese Art of Always Moving Forward” by Albert Liebermann. I’m unfamiliar with this concept, and I like its straightforward sound. Ganbatte (gan-ba-tay) is a Japanese philosophy focused on doing the best you can with what you have. Though there is no direct translation, “keep going,” and “give it your all,” embody the sentiments behind the word. Learning about this term can, I hope, result in motivation to face the unknown of a move with conviction.
- “One Degree Revolution: How the Wisdom of Yoga Inspires Small Shifts That Lead to Big Changes” by Cody Kozlowski. As an on-and-off practitioner of yoga for many years, I imagine that this book offers ways to address change positively. Now that my mom has made the decision to move, how can yoga help all of us to let go of worries and discover deep and satisfying meaning now and in the future? And what are the most valuable ways we can learn to savor — rather than fear — everything that our lives offer, especially during times of upheaval?
- “Nobody Wants your Sh*t: The Art of Decluttering Before You Die” by Messie Condo. This pick incorporates humor with the reality of decluttering. And given the massive amount of possessions that seem to have exploded from secret places in my mom’s house, I’ve simply got to be able to laugh my way through the process.
Have you experienced a huge relocation or downsizing? What are your suggestions and book recommendations?
