“Once upon a tree,” there were seven birds in all the colors of the rainbow, but only one bird — aptly named Only 🐦 — needed more space and more quiet than the others. So begins Airlie Anderson‘s entirely charming and deeply affirming picture book about sensory needs, healthy boundaries and supportive friendships. At first, the other birds don’t understand why Only behaves the way they do, sitting at a distance from the others. They perceive Only’s only-ness as a loneliness that needs to be solved through the well-meaning but misguided “golden rule”: the other birds treat Only how they themselves want to be treated — and not how Only wants to be treated. 😬
It’s not really a surprise, then, that this plan backfires terribly and pushes poor, overwhelmed Only further out of the community. Nonetheless, Only is both self-assured and resourceful, so they get to work constructing “a quiet nest” 🪺 — a welcoming space in which they can implement and invite the other birds to practice healthy boundaries. Initially, the other birds are dismissive about this “boring” sensory-friendly space, but one by one, they are drawn into its supportive, self-directed coziness — and even realize that perhaps each of them has their own spectrum of sensory needs that they were ignoring or unaware of before. And marvelous Only, with their incredibly generous spirit, doesn’t shame or belittle or hold a grudge against their fellow community members for their past ignorance; rather, they are more than happy to demonstrate all the features of this mindful and cooperative space so everyone can connect with one another and with themselves more deeply and honestly. 🥰
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There are so many reasons to cry happy tears while reading this book 💧, but I think one of its most powerful and astonishing components is how Anderson really concretizes abstract concepts like “setting boundaries” and “universal design” in such a delightful and vibrant way. For example, how would you explain what it means to “set a boundary” for yourself to the littles — or even the adults! — in your life? What even is a “boundary,” and what does it look/sound/feel/act like?
One of my favorite definitions of a boundary in the socioemotional sense comes from the author, therapist and political organizer Prentis Hemphill: “Boundaries,” they articulate simply and profoundly, “are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” For even the most practiced boundary-setter, this “distance” is rarely static: it fluctuates as the conditions and circumstances around the need for the boundary also change. For Only and their flock, a great example of this kind of flexible boundary happens when Only shares that they do, actually, like singing with the other birds, but in a quieter way.
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At the Columbia Public Library, we are on our own journey towards universal design and have taken a page out of Anderson’s book by transforming our beloved Green Egg 🥚💚 (aka the Children’s Program Room) into “a quiet nest” for a variety of sensory-friendly programming. Currently, we offer sensory-friendly story time on the 3rd Wednesday of the month (please register!) and stories and activities for adults with disabilities on the 2nd Friday, and we are constantly exploring how to offer sensory-friendly sessions of many of our drop-in and craft programs, like previous Discovery Time sessions and Hallowsummer Crafts. Additionally, we have noise-reducing earmuffs and fidget boxes that all, both kiddos and grown-ups, are welcome to use while they visit; check in with the staff at the Children’s Desk on the first floor and the Reference Desk on the second floor to explore these resources. 🎧🧸🪀
After all, as Anderson writes at the end of “Only,” everyone should feel welcome to learn, discover and experience joy in the ways that work best for them — sometimes together, sometimes at a distance, but never lonely.
